Here in Britain we have many problems: the economy, the education system, the healthcare system, the weather. Well, I say that, but obviously in terms of all of those things Britons are in fact some of the most privileged people in the world. But since everyone in and outside of our country has bought into the idea that we’re just a shitty little island where the rain washes away all hope and the shards of our broken dreams, arguing against this idea seems a little pointless and a bit too patriotic for my tastes. Rather pessimistic and cynical than right-wing, right? So instead I’m going to go with the flow and provide evidence that this country is in a tragic state of affairs, with the very psychology of its residents broken almost beyond repair.
This is a screenshot from the home page of the BBC News website. This page is supposed to present the most important and current news so that anybody visiting the site will be immediately briefed on what they really need to know. But what we are seeing instead is a link to an article to do with the christening of the royal baby. In fact, this news is so important that it has a prominent picture and links to two complementary articles and even a video. Compare this to, say, the presentation of the article about the new chief of NHS England, an incredibly important news story given our recent healthcare issues. Compare this to the presentation of the revealing of British links to al-Shabab: an issue of national security, no less. In other words, look at how the editor of the page thinks that the average Briton will prioritize their news. Seriously, what the hell? Thinking only of the small picture, the royal christening is not that big of a deal, to think nothing of the big one. How twisted is the prevailing view of the British people that the editor of the page thought that we would prefer to read about the christening of a baby than the future of our health service? This is why we can’t have nice things; too many people care too much about the bloody royal family.
Of course, of course. In these depressing, uncertain times, we don’t want to hear more bad news. We don’t want to read about advances in science leading to the discovery of a new galaxy. We don’t want to read about the piracy charges against Greenpeace protesters being dropped. We want something hopeful, like the endearing sight of an innocent young child who will know nothing of the hardships of life by virtue only of his blood. We want to read about the life story of a child who, as a member of one of the world’s most pointless royal families, will probably serve no purpose whatsoever for the entirety of his life other than enjoying his time as yet another obscenely privileged figurehead who makes us the laughing stock of all the other nations who realised the absurdity of having a royal family in a democracy centuries ago. That is want we want to know about, yes sir.
For the sake of fairness, I will point out that this was not the first article the BBC put up on its list on the homes page. It was, in fact, third, beaten by the Grangemouth situation hands down and being below the US surveillance claims, though as you can see the advertising for the royal baby article is much more elaborate. This doesn’t change the fact, however, that having an article about the christening of a baby prominently displayed on the front page of a popular and important news website is seriously messed up.
After all this hype the kid had better be, like, Jesus, or a lot of people are going to be sorely disappointed